The Holiday Tradition Tango: Navigating Love, Family, and Wrapping Paper Chaos

The holidays are a time of joy, nostalgia, and—let’s be honest—a bit of low-level chaos. For many, they’re a chance to reconnect with deeply ingrained traditions that often go unnoticed, like the unconscious rhythm of a favorite holiday song. Yet, traditions can be a source of cognitive dissonance for some, especially those merging families. After all, when two very different holiday worlds collide, it’s less “Silent Night” and more “Clash of the Carols.”

The interplay of family traditions has enriched my life and, at times, bewildered me. I want to explore the curious power of these rituals. Along the way, I’ll share a deeply personal story about my first Christmas with my wife and how it taught me that blending traditions requires equal parts patience, humor, and an ability to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

Traditions: The Glue of the Holidays

Holiday traditions are more than just a series of actions repeated year after year. They are the glue that binds generations together, providing a sense of continuity and comfort. They remind us of where we come from, who we are, and—when we encounter a new set of traditions—just how bizarre our own family might seem to someone else.

These rituals are often so ingrained that we mistake them for universal truths. For instance, if you grew up baking cookies with your grandmother every December 23rd, you might assume that everyone considers flour-dusted countertops essential to the holiday spirit. But then you marry into a family where the pre-Christmas ritual involves competitive gingerbread house construction—and suddenly, your sugar cookie cutters feel a bit underwhelming.

My First Christmas with My Wife: A Tale of Two Holiday Worlds

When I married my wife, I thought I knew what to expect from Christmas. I grew up in a family of eight children, where the holiday was a meticulously choreographed giving marathon. Gifts were opened individually, with each person taking center stage as their gift was unveiled in multiple sessions. This process stretched over an entire day, with breaks for breakfast, coffee, and lunch, and countless anecdotes about how “Santa knew exactly what I needed.”

This slow and deliberate approach wasn’t just a tradition but a lifestyle. We valued suspense, savoring each moment, and communal celebration of generosity.

My wife, however, grew up in a family of 10 children, where Christmas was a very different kind of celebration. In her family, there were no wrapped gifts. Instead, every child had a designated chair, which functioned as a personal Christmas loot pile. On Christmas morning, everyone would rush to their chair and begin sifting through the bounty. The spectacle was more “Black Friday doorbuster” than “quiet holiday reflection.”

The first time we spent Christmas together, the dissonance between our traditions was staggering. I was baffled by the unwrapped gifts and the frenzied; meanwhile, I couldn’t understand why my family insisted on drawing out the process as if each present was an Oscar-worthy performance. I vividly recall her remarking, “Wait, you actually wrap gifts?” as though I had just confessed to wrapping each present in hundred-dollar bills.

The Psychology of Holiday Traditions

What my wife and I experienced that Christmas wasn’t just a clash of customs; it was a collision of deeply held psychological frameworks. Holiday traditions are tied to our sense of identity, security, and belonging. When someone challenges or unknowingly disregards them, it can feel deeply unsettling—almost as though they’re questioning your very essence.

Psychologists call this “Cognitive Dissonance,” the mental discomfort that arises when you hold two conflicting beliefs or behaviors. For me, unwrapped gifts piled on chairs felt like an affront to the sanctity of Christmas. For her, wrapping gifts and taking an entire day to open them felt like unnecessary pageantry.

The challenge—and beauty—of navigating such dissonance lies in recognizing that neither tradition is inherently superior. They are simply different expressions of the same underlying desire: to create joy, connection, and memories.

Blending Traditions: Lessons from the Holiday Battlefield

Over time, my wife and I learned to blend our traditions into a new hybrid that worked for our family. We kept the wrapped gifts, but we also embraced her family’s emphasis on efficiency (though not quite to the “chair pile” extreme). Our Christmas mornings became a mix of savoring and speed, with moments of laughter and occasional debates over whether ribbons were “worth the effort.”

Here are a few other Holiday Traditions from our Team:

Stephen Wallace

Every year, my family has a Christmas caroling tradition that brings our neighbors and friends together for a special bonding experience. It’s always such a joyful time, filled with music, laughter, and the spirit of the season. Over the years, it’s become one of the highlights of our holidays and a way to share the joy of Christmas with our neighbors in Laurel.

Justin Wedgewood

When I was nine years old, my paternal grandmother passed away just before Christmas. One of my fondest memories is how she always had sanded cinnamon balls and old-fashioned candy sticks for us to enjoy during the holidays. Though she is no longer with us, we honor her memory by continuing this tradition every Christmas. It’s a simple way to remember her and keep her presence alive in our celebrations.

Wendy Krehbiel

My family has a beautiful tradition called Advent Services.  On Sunday evenings in Advent, we would gather around our Advent wreath with only candles for light once it got dark.  My husband would lead us in a prayer, followed by a scripture reading. Then, while eating Christmas cookies and drinking eggnog, we’d sing Christmas carols, each person getting to pick one. It was a meaningful way to prepare our hearts for Christmas and a tradition that brought us closer as a family. My children are carrying on that tradition!

Brian Abdo

In my family, our Christmas tradition was all about the lights—so many lights that I’m pretty sure we once caused planes at BWI to divert! Like a real-life Clark Griswold, I embraced my inner “Sparky” every year, turning our house into a glowing spectacle that could probably be seen from space. It was over-the-top, ridiculous, and absolutely unforgettable.

Amanda Clark

My family always celebrated Christmas on the 24th instead of the 25th. My mom was Jewish, and my dad was raised Catholic, so this compromise worked for us. Later, my mom converted to Christianity, and Christmas became one of our favorite holidays. Interestingly, Santa Claus was never part of our traditions—my parents wanted to keep the focus on celebrating Christ’s birth. Looking back, it made the holiday feel even more special and meaningful for all of us.

Jackie LeCompte

Thanks to my dad, Christmas morning was always an adventure in my house. He’d get so excited that he’d wake us up at three or four in the morning, ready to dive into the day. No matter how old we got, none of us ever managed to match his level of enthusiasm—he was like a big kid who just couldn’t wait to see what Santa brought.

Sheree Tiller

For the past ten or more years, I’ve spent every meaningful holiday with a group of former neighbors and church members who have become my family. Over time, we’ve created our own traditions and shared so many memories, turning what started as a gathering of friends into something truly special—a second family I cherish deeply.

Margie Downs

For nearly 70 years, my family has sent out an annual Christmas card, a tradition that’s grown to include thousands of recipients over the decades. While the final product always looks seamless, let me tell you, the process behind the scenes wasn’t always so smooth. Between coordinating outfits, choosing the perfect setting, and wrangling family members into a single frame, there was plenty of drama along the way! But those moments became part of the tradition, too, and the card has even been featured in The Baltimore Sun a few times. It’s a labor of love that continues to celebrate the growth of our family year after year.

Merry Christmas from the Downs Law Firm Family to You

Sharing Your Estate Plan: Timing, Tact and Turkey-Day Discretion

Thanksgiving, a holiday meant for gratitude, great food, and gentle family bickering, is also when everyone’s too full to leave the table—and too interested in each other’s business. It’s the perfect environment for “catching up” on family matters, but if you’re the one sitting on an estate plan, you might want to think twice before bringing it up between bites of stuffing. While estate planning can be a thoughtful gift to your loved ones, premature revelations can lead to squabbles over pumpkin pie and some real “uninvited from future parties” moments.

Here’s a light-hearted yet cautionary guide to discussing your estate plan without turning Thanksgiving dinner into a family free-for-all.

Timing is Everything: Or, Why You Don’t Tell the Turkey Who’s Getting What Before the Feast

Sharing the specifics of your estate plan can feel like handing out pieces of the Thanksgiving turkey before it’s even fully carved. After all, who will be thrilled to hear about the fate of your coin collection when they come for cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes? Timing is as critical in estate planning conversations as in basting the turkey: too soon, and you’ll ruin the main event; too late, and you’re left with a cold, dry mess.

When’s the best time? Not when your plan is half-baked or still “drafting in progress.” Early versions are subject to change (as all best-laid plans tend to be), and sharing too soon can spark all kinds of expectations. Finalized estate plans should be as well-cooked as the turkey—if you plan to share at all, wait until it’s ready. A good rule of thumb is that if everyone’s still in line for seconds, estate planning talk can wait for later.

Who Needs to Know, Anyway? Or, How to Keep the Guest List Short

The guest list for who “needs to know” about your estate plan should be even shorter than the list of people invited to help in the kitchen. Sharing estate plans indiscriminately is like letting every guest who RSVP’d know that Cousin Joe’s “famous” macaroni salad will be skipped this year. Some things are best kept to those most directly impacted—like immediate family, trusted advisors, and anyone officially named in your plan.

Are you tempted to bring in in-laws, distant relatives, or newer family members? Let’s be honest: estate planning can be delicate, and Thanksgiving is no time to test family bonds over the possibility of future inheritances. Mark Twain once wrote that “there is no use in keeping secrets, except for the secrets of a fortune,” and he had a point. The details of who gets what are best kept between you and a select few until the timing is truly right.

How Much to Share: Avoid Serving Heaping Spoons of Drama

Just as you wouldn’t overload your plate with every Thanksgiving side dish (or maybe you would, but let’s assume not), avoiding heaping on too many estate details is best. Think of it like this: everyone enjoys knowing that dessert is coming, but they don’t need the whole recipe laid out in advance. Mentioning your big-picture intentions—like the existence of a will or trust—is helpful; getting into who’s inheriting Uncle Harold’s vintage car collection might spark more drama than a side of sweet potatoes deserves.

When people know too much, especially when plans could still change, the unintended fallout can lead to disappointment, resentment, or family politics. You don’t want to spend next Thanksgiving justifying why Aunt Sue’s name is no longer on your beach house deed. Keep things general: it’s okay to share that your estate plans exist and that you’ve thoughtfully considered everyone’s well-being—but avoid promising anyone a slice of the pie, so to speak, until you’re sure.

Discretion is the Best Policy: A Little Mystery Goes a Long Way

Sometimes, less is more. Family members may ask (with varying degrees of subtlety) what’s “in store” for them, but you’re under no obligation to pull out the ledger and divvy things up like Thanksgiving leftovers. A touch of humor can help here: “You’ll find out, just like you will Grandma’s secret stuffing recipe, in due time.” Establish a “discretion policy” and stick to it—make it clear that some information is simply on a need-to-know basis.

Remember, the fewer promises made, the fewer obligations to “keep score” with family members. Be mindful that estate plans evolve with time and circumstance, and there’s no harm in keeping a bit of mystery. A good estate plan, like Thanksgiving dinner, leaves everyone feeling taken care of—without needing every last detail in advance.

Conclusion: Give Thanks, Not Promises

This Thanksgiving, take comfort in the peace of mind an estate plan brings, but resist the temptation to announce every last detail. Instead of handing out portions of the future, focus on gratitude for the present. Estate planning, after all, is a final gift—best given when everyone’s ready to receive it. So pass the potatoes, not the promissory notes, and enjoy a Thanksgiving where the only thing up for debate is who makes the best pie, not who gets the house.

The Good, Bad and Ugly of Joint Ownership

Joint Ownership: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

When I think about joint ownership, my mind drifts back to the dusty streets, wide-brimmed hats, and gritty showdowns of the classic spaghetti Western The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Much like the stark choices facing our favorite gunslingers—choices that shape destinies in ways both noble and disastrous—joint ownership comes with its own set of promises and pitfalls. It’s simple, sure, but as with every quick draw in the Old West, the outcome isn’t always what you expect.

Let’s saddle up and take a ride through the good, the bad, and the downright ugly of joint ownership in estate planning.

The Good: Quick, Easy, and No Probate

At first glance, joint ownership seems like the hero in a white hat. It’s the sheriff riding into town, offering simplicity and immediate benefits. There’s no denying that joint ownership can be a powerful tool in the right circumstances.

For starters, it’s incredibly easy to set up. Walk into your bank or meet with a title officer, sign a document, and voilà—you and your partner, child, or friend are now joint owners of the bank account, house, or investment. This ease is especially attractive when it comes to avoiding probate. Upon the death of one owner, the asset automatically transfers to the surviving owner without the need for probate proceedings.

Like the classic Hero of the iconic story (the “Good”), joint ownership can be smooth, efficient, and reliable. It keeps things moving without the complications of court. In fact, for many families, it’s a no-brainer for things like bank accounts or vehicles—quick, cost-effective, and free of legal entanglements.

But beware. As any seasoned lawman will tell you, things aren’t always what they seem in the Wild West—or in estate planning.

The Bad: Unintended Consequences Lurking in the Shadows

Remember the “Bad”? He wasn’t all bad—he had his moments of charm—but there was always a sense of trouble waiting just around the corner. Joint ownership carries similar hidden dangers, lurking just beneath its easy façade.

One of the biggest issues with joint ownership is the lack of control after the arrangement is made. Once an asset is placed in joint ownership, both parties have full control. This means that a joint owner can make decisions about the asset without the other party’s consent. That simple, shared bank account? If your co-owner decides to empty it out for a lavish vacation in Cabo, there’s nothing stopping them.

Even more treacherous are the unintended consequences upon death. Joint ownership often disrupts the best-laid estate plans. Picture this: you’ve carefully drafted your will, ensuring that your estate is divided equally among your three children. But then you add one of your children as a joint owner on your home for convenience, or to “save them trouble.” Upon your passing, that child inherits the entire house, bypassing your will entirely, leaving the other two children out in the cold. Talk about a showdown.

The bad doesn’t end there. Joint ownership can also lead to complications if one of the owners faces legal trouble. Suppose your joint owner is sued or goes through a divorce. Suddenly, the asset that seemed secure and untouchable is now subject to the claims of creditors or ex-spouses. It’s like finding out dynamite isn’t just for blasting open safes—it’s about to blow up your entire plan.

The Ugly: When It All Goes Wrong

We can’t talk about joint ownership without referencing Angel Eyes, the “Ugly” of the story—the ruthless, calculating villain who plays both sides and leaves destruction in his wake. The ugly side of joint ownership isn’t just about minor complications; it’s about things going catastrophically wrong. When joint ownership turns ugly, it can dismantle families, strain relationships, and leave estate plans in shambles.

One of the ugliest scenarios involves incapacitation. If one joint owner becomes mentally incapacitated, the other owner may find themselves in a legal bind. Without a proper power of attorney in place, accessing or managing the jointly owned assets can become a nightmare. Court involvement might be necessary, dragging out the process and creating stress for everyone involved.

Things can also get ugly when more than two people are involved. Let’s say you’ve named all three of your children as joint owners of your vacation home. While they may all get along now, what happens if one decides they no longer want the responsibility of upkeep or if they disagree on whether to sell? A simple setup can lead to bitter disputes, with family members squaring off like a final showdown in the desert—except this time, it’s not about gold, but family relationships and inheritance.

Then there’s the ultimate ugly scenario—unexpected death. Imagine this: you’ve placed your spouse as a joint owner on your home, thinking it will make everything simpler. Then, tragically, you both pass away in a car accident. Who inherits the house now? Without proper estate planning, it could end up in probate, creating the very headache you were trying to avoid.

The Illusion of Simplicity

The lesson here, like in any classic Western, is that things aren’t always as simple as they appear. Joint ownership can seem like the fast draw, the easy solution to avoid probate and streamline your estate. But just like in the showdown between the three combatants, the situation can quickly spiral out of control, and you may find yourself facing unintended consequences.

Sure, joint ownership has its benefits. For small assets, like a bank account or a car, it can be the quick-fix hero. But for larger, more valuable assets—like your home or investments—it often pays to take a step back, holster your gun, and consider the broader implications.

The Alternative: A Trust

If you’re looking to avoid probate but want to avoid the shootouts that joint ownership can sometimes create, a trust may be your best option. Unlike joint ownership, where control is shared, a trust allows you to maintain complete control over your assets while you’re alive, and dictate exactly how they are to be distributed upon your death. No chance of a co-owner running off with the loot—or leaving it vulnerable to their creditors.

Trusts also allow you to plan for incapacitation. Should you become unable to manage your affairs, a trustee steps in to handle things according to your wishes—no need for court involvement. It’s the difference between planning for every eventuality, like Blondie with his wits and strategy, versus relying on luck or a quick draw.

Wrapping It Up: The Final Showdown

Just like the iconic Western showdown in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, joint ownership in estate planning comes with a mix of promise, peril, and potential disaster. It’s easy to set up, avoids probate, and can be a useful tool for small, uncomplicated assets. But as with every good Western, the situation is never as simple as it first appears. Unintended consequences, legal entanglements, and family disputes can all come roaring into town, transforming what seemed like a simple solution into a complex and ugly problem.

In estate planning, it’s always best to weigh your options carefully and consider the long-term consequences. As our hero might say, “When you have to shoot, shoot—don’t talk.” In other words, don’t rush into joint ownership without considering the full picture. Take the time to plan properly, and you’ll avoid the misfires that can come from too-simple solutions.

Closing Thoughts: Riding Off into the Sunset

At the end of the day, joint ownership is neither entirely good, bad, nor ugly—it’s simply a tool. Like any tool, it can be used for good or lead to unintended consequences, depending on how it’s handled. The real trick is in understanding its limitations and knowing when to bring in a more sophisticated strategy, like a trust.

So, before you sign on the dotted line, take a moment to pause. Consider your entire estate plan, not just the quick wins. Because in this arena, the last thing you want is to end up like Angel Eyes—on the losing end of the final showdown.

In the world of estate planning, we might not be cowboys, but we do know one thing: it pays to plan ahead and avoid unnecessary showdowns. Make sure your assets are in the right hands, and you’ll be riding off into the sunset with your estate in good order, leaving behind peace, not chaos.

Also, we can serve as experienced guides in finding the right path.

The Seasons of Life

Aging in an Instant

In the Book of Ecclesiastes (3:1-8), God tells us that there is a season for everything: a time to be born, a time to die, a time to plant, a time to pluck up what is planted. We are also sometimes reminded—though it was tragically left out—that there is a time to realize you’ve aged about 20 years in a single moment.

There’s no better way to start this tale than with weddings—an event that once filled our weekends with joy, dancing, and a hint of mischief. My wife and I attended many weddings in our day, dressed in our finest, basking in the glow of young love, and feeling pretty spry ourselves. But then, as if some cosmic wedding planner took pity on us, we experienced a warm, dry spell. The wedding invitations stopped coming. It was like we had been granted a reprieve from the mandatory tuxedo-wearing, speech-listening, and chicken-or-fish choosing that had once dominated our social calendar.

But, as seasons do, this one changed. After years of blissful quiet, we were suddenly invited to a wedding. Excitedly, we accepted, dusted off our finest attire, and prepared for what we assumed would be another youthful affair. But as I sat there, looking at the happy couple, something hit me like many wedding favors—this wasn’t the wedding of a friend’s child. No, this was the wedding of the friends themselves. The realization washed over me like a cold sweat: our friends were getting remarried or married for the first time, and we had, somewhere along the way, crossed the Rubicon from “young whippersnapper” to “seasoned veteran.”

It was as if someone had turned a page in the calendar of life, and suddenly, we were in the season of second weddings, third marriages, and blended families. We had aged in an instant, right there in that pew. And from that moment on, it wasn’t just the weddings of our friends’ children we were attending—we were now going to war for our friends themselves, rallying around them in their new marital adventures with a vigor that belied our advancing years.

Get a Real Doctor

But if that wasn’t enough of a wake-up call, the true shock came on an inevitable day, but no less surprising: the first time I went to the hospital as a patient. Now, I’ve been to hospitals before—cheering up sick friends, welcoming new babies, or visiting the occasional grandparent. But this time was different. I was the one on the gurney, and when the doctors arrived, I nearly sat up and demanded to see their IDs. They all looked like they were moonlighting from their high school drama club, dressed up as doctors for a Halloween party.

One doctor in particular caught my eye, and I swear, he couldn’t have been a day over 12. I half expected him to pull out a skateboard and zip down the hallway, perhaps making a pit stop at the vending machine for a bag of gummy worms. “Who’s this Doogie Howser wannabe?” I muttered to myself. “Can someone please send in a real doctor?” But then it hit me like the cold gel of an ultrasound probe: this was the real doctor, and I was now officially older than every single person tasked with keeping me alive. I’d aged yet again, right there on the operating table.

As we journey through the seasons of life, these jarring, often hilarious, sometimes sobering moments—remind us that time is indeed passing, even if we don’t feel it day to day. One minute we’re attending weddings of our friends’ children, the next we’re watching our friends take their second trips down the aisle. One day, we’re the young ones in the room, and the next, we’re wondering if our doctors have a curfew.

But there’s a certain beauty in it all, a rhythm that makes each season of life worth experiencing, even if it does come with a few gray hairs and the occasional existential crisis. For everything, there is a season, and the season we find ourselves in now is one of acceptance, reflection, and, perhaps, a little bit of humor—because if we can’t laugh at how quickly we’ve aged, we might cry instead.

These changing seasons and the passage of time also make your estate planning out of date. If your estate plan is a vehicle, you won’t use the same vehicle to transport yourselves as a newlywed couple as you do when you are carting around the soccer team; you’re driving off into your retirement years.

If you haven’t reviewed your planning in a while, it might be a good time to revisit your decisions, reconsider your relationships, and invest some time in reorienting your priorities.

Why an Estate Plan Needs Both Wills and Trusts

Why an Estate Plan Needs Both Wills and Trusts

Two of the best-known estate planning documents are wills and trusts. However, there is confusion about which is “best.” These documents serve different purposes; the important thing is to be sure that they work together to achieve the overall goals of the estate plan.

What is a Will Used For?

Most people understand a last will and testament is used to distribute a decedent’s assets after death. However, the last will serves several other functions. It names an executor, the person in charge of managing the estate. This is a significant role, requiring the ability to handle finances, engage with many government agencies (Social Security, IRS, Veterans Administration, etc.), navigate family dynamics and distribute estate assets.

If there is no will, the court will name an executor, known in that context as an administrator, who may not be a family member. Assets are then distributed according to the state’s laws, instead of as the decedent intended.

For parents with minor children, the last will nominates a guardian to raise minor children in the event of both parent’s death. If there is no last will, or if the last will fails to name a guardian, the court will decide who should raise the child or children. In many cases, the family may not have an opportunity to be involved in these decisions.

After the individual’s death, the will is submitted to the court in a process known as probate. This is a legal proceeding where the last will is validated, and the court approves the executor. If the last will has not been prepared according to the laws of the state where the decedent lived, it may be ruled invalid, and then the court proceeds as if there was no last will.

How Does a Trust Work?

Unlike last wills, trusts do not go through the probate process, which is one of their many advantages. The trust owns assets titled in the trust name, and such assets are not part of the estate subject to probate. The language of the trust is used to direct the person who manages the trust—the trustee—to do exactly what the grantor—the person who establishes the estate—wants with the assets owned by the trust.

Trusts can be used to distribute funds to beneficiaries based on achieving certain life milestones, like graduating from college or buying a home. Trusts are also used to reward certain behaviors, like maintaining sobriety or being employed for a certain length of time. Trusts may not impose illegal restrictions on beneficiaries. However, they can be used to encourage productive lifestyles. Spendthrift trusts are designed to limit the amount of assets for beneficiaries likely to use their inheritance unwisely.

Trusts are also used in blended families to ensure that biological children are not unwittingly disinherited. There are trusts to provide support for a second spouse, for instance, where the balance of the assets in the trust is distributed to the biological children after the first parent dies.

Wills and trusts are ideally created to complement each other, passing wealth onto the next generation, minimizing tax liabilities, avoiding delays in asset distribution and ensuring that the decedent’s wishes are followed.

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Estate Planning and Divorce

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Building wealth is only half the job. Protecting wealth for your loved ones and yourself is equally important. Through estate planning, business planning, and asset protection, our firm will help you protect everything you love — family, friends and favorite charities. For more information, be sure to visit our website where you will have access to our blog, events schedule, and a complimentary newsletter subscription!

Estate Planning and Divorce

In my prior life, I was a divorce lawyer for twelve years. I did a variety of different cases, but mostly divorce. I switched entirely to Estate Planning in 1995 and have never looked back on that decision. Much better from the lawyer’s side of the table.

Those years gave me a strong appreciation for the difficulties of strains on relationships. It also benefits many of my clients for their own plans, but much more often to protect their children going through marital problems.

Estate planning is very important to address both during and after a divorce. Divorces typically take several years to be finalized. Consequently, waiting to update every part of your estate plan until a divorce is completed can lead to unintended consequences. Spouses still have legal rights while a divorce is in process. Therefore, it is wise to take steps during this time to create legal and financial distance between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

Laws regarding wills and certain retirement plans, such as pensions and some 401(k) plans, vary from state to state. These require due diligence before changes may be made.

Health Care Proxy, Living Will, and HIPAA Release Forms

Once divorce proceedings are underway; new documents should be created naming a new agent under your health care proxy, living will, any other advance directives, and HIPAA release form. You may choose a trusted friend, sibling, or other person to take control of your healthcare decisions in the event of an emergency or incapacity. The last person you want to make healthcare or end-of-life decisions is your future ex, even in an amicable divorce.

Update Your Power of Attorney

The same steps must be taken for power of attorney forms. Start by revoking any prior power of attorney documents and creating a new one, naming a primary and secondary agent to act on your behalf. A power of attorney will only be effective for assets directly titled in your name alone. However, it is necessary to protect these assets. Depending on your state laws, you may need to provide formal notification to your ex of this change.

Changing Beneficiary Designations

Certain states do not permit spouses to be removed from beneficiary designations for pension plans or some retirement accounts until a divorce is finalized. Make a comprehensive list

of all accounts with beneficiary designations and make the beneficiary changes wherever

possible.

If your estate includes a trust, the trust document needs to be reviewed. Is your ex a beneficiary? If so, this should be changed immediately. If you were generous with members of your ex’s family, you may also want to remove them as beneficiaries.

If you have minor children and the goal of the trust is to provide for them, is your ex named as trustee? If yes, you may want to remove your ex from the role of trustee and name a sibling, close friend, or perhaps a professional to serve as trustee.

Revising Your Will

Laws regarding ex-spouses and wills are state-specific. However, the best option is always to start with a completely new will. In some states, failing to update a will after a divorce leads to wills being declared invalid, and the estate is treated as if there was no will. Assets are distributed according to the laws of intestacy.

Most importantly, if your spouse is listed as an executor, revoke the will and name a new primary and a new secondary executor.

Your will is used to name guardians for minor children. Your ex will most likely be named guardian if you should die. However, if you have questions about their ability to be a safe and effective parent or are concerned about their choice of future partners, you can nominate an alternate guardian in your new will.

General Concerns

Divorce can be a stressful process, and adding more tasks may seem onerous. However, these estate planning steps are extremely important. In the long run, getting them done may help avoid unpleasant, larger problems for you and your loved ones.

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Guardianship Duties for An Incapacitated Adult

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Guardianship Duties for An Incapacitated Adult

When an adult becomes incapacitated, and no advance planning has been done, someone needs to become a guardian to care for the incapacitated person. That individual is then known as the “ward.” This requires a court proceeding to decide who should become the guardian. In Maryland, the process included the appointment of an attorney for the alleged disabled person, paid for by the family, and often a jury trial. When this happens, the incapacitated person loses many of their fundamental rights, including the right to vote.

Guardianship procedures are more costly than creating a comprehensive estate plan, which includes planning for incapacity.

How does a guardian handle the ward’s finances?

The guardian is required to act as the ward’s fiduciary, putting the ward’s interests before their own. The guardian must keep meticulous records and be able to account for every dollar spent. In most cases, the guardian reports to the court annually. The guardian’s finances must be kept separate from the ward’s accounts. No funds from the ward’s accounts or any trusts created for the ward should ever find their way into the guardian’s account (known as “commingling”), even if it would be far more efficient for cash management.

The guardian may also be responsible for applying for government benefits on behalf of the ward, overseeing the sale of the ward’s home, and managing the ward’s investments. If the guardian is only responsible for finances, they are often known as a “conservator” to distinguish this more limited role.

Does a guardian get involved in day-to-day living arrangements?

In most cases, the guardian is also responsible for the person’s care, including housing and daily living. Accordingly, the guardian’s responsible for ensuring the ward has a safe and clean place to live and receives any care needed. This may be at the ward’s home with a caretaker, at the guardian’s home, or in an assisted living or full-care facility. The guardian is expected to be actively involved in the ward’s life while overseeing the ward’s general well-being.

What kind of health care decisions is the guardian responsible for?

Healthcare decisions are also the guardian’s responsibility. The guardian is charged with making medical decisions in the ward’s best interest and, to the best of their ability, to make decisions just as the ward would have if the ward were able to do so. The guardian speaks with the ward’s health care providers and works with them to make sure that the ward gets any needed care. If possible, the guardian should honor the preferences and consult with the ward.

Am I responsible for the ward’s expenses?

The guardian is responsible for managing the finances of their ward. However, they are not expected to use their own financial resources for their ward. Nevertheless, a guardian may be held responsible if assets are available and the guardian is not keeping bills current. The guardian needs to disclose the legal status consistently to avoid potential personal liabilities for expenses. Simple errors or oversights may be treated severely by the court. Therefore, detailed records and attention to due dates are very important for the guardian.

Generally speaking, if you act in good faith, with diligence and care, the guardianship should not be an overly burdensome responsibility. In an ideal situation, even if one person in the family is the legal guardian, other family members are involved in their loved one’s life to ensure the best possible quality of life.

It is much better to make plans to handle disability without court involvement. Talk to an estate planning attorney to get that process protected.

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Estate Planning Considerations for Women

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Building wealth is only half the job. Protecting wealth for your loved ones and yourself is equally important. Through estate planning, business planning, and asset protection, our firm will help you protect everything you love — family, friends, and favorite charities. For more information, be sure to visit our website where you will have access to our blog, events schedule, and a complimentary newsletter subscription!

Estate Planning Considerations for Women

Women face particular challenges in estate planning, which do not always present themselves until after a spouse has died or when a divorce occurs.

Statistically, women live longer than men. Therefore, it is essential for them to have a complete understanding of the couple’s estate plan and finances. There will be a greater chance they will need assets to last for a more extended period of time than for their husbands, in addition to planning for incapacity.

Overcoming Traditional Financial Roles Through Estate Planning

One spouse often takes care of finances, leaving the other with no knowledge of how assets are managed or how to access accounts. Upon the death of the first spouse, the surviving spouse is left to identify accounts, untangle how payments are made, etc. Addressing this information gap so both spouses are familiar with all assets and liabilities leads to better estate planning and avoids additional stress after the first spouse dies.

Women in second marriages may be more at risk for financial hardship if the estate plan has not been updated since their spouse’s prior marriage. If beneficiaries on a will, insurance policy, or retirement accounts have not been updated, the prior spouse could inherit the lion’s share of the current spouse’s estate. All estate planning and financial documents should be updated.

The task of raising children or caring for elderly parents continues to fall on women more than men. This results in lower lifetime earnings, which leads to smaller Social Security benefits. Married women who expect to claim their spouse’s Social Security benefits should educate themselves about survivor benefit claims. If a woman has been divorced after a marriage lasting at least ten years and has not remarried, she may claim benefits based on her ex-spouse, regardless of whether her ex has remarried.

Planning for Life is Part of Your Estate Plan

After devoting decades to raising children and caring for elderly parents, women are apt to brush off concerns about aging. Single, divorced, or widowed women, with or without children, need to have an estate plan to protect them during their lifetime.

A general durable power of attorney is needed to name an agent (also known as an attorney, in fact) to act if a single woman cannot manage her financial affairs because of illness or injury. Similarly, an advance healthcare directive, which includes a durable power of attorney for healthcare decisions, names a trusted person to make healthcare decisions in the event of incapacity. Married couples also need these documents. However, they are even more critical for a single woman, so family or friends may step in when needed.

Last Will and Testament

The last will and testament is used to distribute assets, including real estate, financial accounts and personal possessions. It is also used to name an executor. This person will be in charge of managing the estate: gathering assets, paying creditors, filing with the probate court, filing final personal income tax returns, paying estate taxes (state and federal), and at the appropriate time, distributing assets as per the directions in the last will. Make sure that the person you wish to serve as your executor can carry out these tasks. A spouse, adult child, niece, nephew, or trusted friend may be your executor.

Estate Planning for Women at Any Age or Stage

Whether business owners, homemakers, stay-at-home moms, or dedicated caregivers, women need estate planning to protect themselves, their loved ones, and their futures. An estate plan is one of many ways to accomplish this.

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Finding Fiduciaries

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Building wealth is only half the job. Protecting wealth for your loved ones and yourself is equally important. Through estate planning, business planning, and asset protection, our firm will help you protect everything you love — family, friends, and favorite charities. For more information, be sure to visit our website where you will have access to our blog, events schedule, and a complimentary newsletter subscription!

Finding Fiduciaries

Selecting fiduciaries becomes easier when the role is understood. A fiduciary is a person empowered to control different types of assets for another person, usually the intended beneficiary of the assets. The fiduciary must put the fiduciaries own interests aside and act in the best interest of the beneficiary, even when doing so is contrary to the fiduciary’s own interests.

Who Can Be a Fiduciary?

A fiduciary can be any person who has legal capacity, including family members. If you are not comfortable with a relative controlling your assets as a fiduciary, then you may prefer to have a non-family member or even a financial institution serve in that role. For example, an

estate planning attorney is a fiduciary by the nature of the legal and ethical role to act in the best interest of his or her clients, but an attorney also may serve as a fiduciary for an estate, a person, or a trust.

The fiduciary appointed to administer a trust and manage its assets is known as a trustee. If the trust is created under your last will and testament to administer the inheritance for your beneficiaries, then such trust is known as a “testamentary” trust. On the other hand, if the trust is created under your revocable trust established during your lifetime, then the inheritance trusts come into play upon your death. Both of these inheritance trusts are irrevocable, the difference is that the “testamentary” trust requires probate and the other does not.

The fiduciary nominated by you to carry out the probate and administration of your last will and testament is known as an executor (or personal representative). The executor must first receive permission from the court to carry out the executor’s responsibilities. This happens only after the last will has been presented for probate and the court has validated the last will and approved the executor’s appointment.

How Do I Select the Best Candidate to Be My Fiduciary?

Selecting a fiduciary to take care of your financial and legal decisions in the event of incapacity or death can be more difficult than deciding who you want to inherit your estate. If your family includes multiple marriages or there are long-standing conflicts among siblings, an impartial professional or institution may be a better choice.

We spend considerable time in many consultation meetings weighing out the pros and cons of alternative choices.

Selecting a fiduciary from an online platform is not recommended, but researching candidates online does make sense. Fiduciaries do not all have the same professional credentials. Conduct your own due diligence and comparison shop. Ask for fee schedules and an explanation of the decision-making process. With a nonfamily member fiduciary, drafting in the document a mechanism for removing without litigation, such as a trust protector, allows for checks and balances.

A recommendation from a trusted legal or financial professional, supported by research into the background of the potential fiduciary and a conversation that includes the question “Are you a fiduciary?” is how most people find their fiduciary.

What Should I Consider When Picking a Fiduciary?

Trust. Do you trust this person or institution to make decisions for you and to carry out your instructions, even if it is not the same decision that person or institution would choose?

Skilled with asset management. A fiduciary must have a wide skillset in managing investments, real property, and personal possessions. They need to be able to handle detailed transactions from beginning to end.

Able to work with your heirs. The fiduciary needs to be able to balance a good working relationship and deal with challenges, including personality clashes. Not all heirs appreciate having an outsider manage their inheritance.

Closing Thoughts

When choosing a fiduciary, it is important not to be swayed by personality or personal relationships. This is a business decision and one that needs to be made solely based on the evidence of competency and trust.

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