What are issues that unmarried couples aging together should address?
Choosing to marry or not marry in one’s later years has implications beyond whether the couple should send out holiday cards together. For older unmarried couples, navigating health care needs becomes a serious issue, as explained in a recent article from The New York Times, “For Older Unmarried Couples, Caregiving Obligations Can Be Murky.”
Consider one example, of a couple who have been together for nearly two decades, maintaining separate residences but mainly living in the woman’s home. She began developing memory loss and fell several times. One family member finds the presence of her partner comforting. However, her partner acknowledges concerns about problems in their future. He spoke with her family and suggested they move into a continuing care retirement community where care is adjusted as needs change.
The woman’s daughter objected. She holds power of attorney and makes many decisions for her mother, which doesn’t bode well for their future together. For now, the couple remains in their homes and relies on home care aides. However, this may not last long.
There’s no roadmap for unmarried couples aging together who maintain separate residences. However, as the number of unmarried partners among older Americans grows, this may change. Census data from 2023 shows nearly 400,000 Americans over age 75 are living together without the legal protection of marriage.
Remaining single has its advantages. Passing along an estate to children is far easier if the couple doesn’t combine their finances through marriage. They don’t risk losing pensions or Social Security benefits if they marry, nor do they need to take on the other person’s debts. For seniors in America, medical debt and the cost of long-term health care are financial risks.
Unmarried partners need to be proactive about estate planning to protect themselves and prepare for the future. Each should have an estate planning attorney prepare advance directives, health care proxies, durable powers of attorney and wills. Having these documents prepared will help the individuals clarify their wishes in terms of medical care in the event of serious illness or incapacity.
The potential conflict between unmarried partners and biological children should be treated with great seriousness. A beloved partner will not have any say in their loved one’s medical care, unless they are named as the health care proxy. An adult child who resents an unmarried partner could keep the couple apart if one were hospitalized or moved to a nursing facility.
Older unmarried adults need to embrace estate planning and not put off taking care of this task. What if any roles will you play in one another’s care, decision making and inheritances? In Maryland, leaving things to one another can cost 10% inheritance taxes. This can be avoided by registering as domestic partners.
A tendency to procrastinate could leave their long-term loved partner out of any aspect of their lives if this is not addressed. For unmarried couples aging together, with estate planning they can define their roles in one another’s lives: it takes clarity of your expectations for each other.
Caregiving responsibilities often drive decisions in a crisis if no advance planning has been done. If the couple is living in the home owned by one member of the couple and the owner has to go into a nursing care facility, the healthy partner could be evicted.
Having an experienced estate planning attorney create an estate plan, including the power of attorney, healthcare proxies and other important documents, protects couples so they can help each other and make decisions before a crisis strikes.
Reference: The New York Times (Nov. 10, 2024) “For Older Unmarried Couples, Caregiving Obligations Can Be Murky”
